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INCOHERENT HOOK-UPS ARE NOT CUTE


Intellectual conversation is far more stimulating than slurred speech and whiskey breath, drunkies! I've been a "babysitter" for years, and I'm just over taking care of people who don't appreciate me for it. I've had my own moments in the past where I needed help, and people weren't there for me because they didn't want to leave their party to make sure that I was okay. That is extremely selfish and immature behavior that simply cannot be tolerated.

No one is perfect and we've all had our "sloppy moments", but those should to be rare, and they're always the drinker's fault. Everyone ought to be aware that there is such a thing as being allergic to alcohol, too, so those symptoms simply cannot be ignored. If you think that you have a problem, please get the help that you need before you let the bottle control you. I don't mean to be harsh, but I get very frustrated every time people get "angry" with me because I won't drink as much as they do and would rather go home and get my beauty sleep. 

Though most heavy drinkers can't remember half of the things that they say or do, please remember that all forms of self-inflicted abuse aren't just hurting you, they're hurting your loved ones as well. You are all loved, so don't throw that away for the sake of partying, because you are amazing just as you are.


The guilt trip that I would get when I burned a ton of calories in spin class and then ruined it by eating crap at four in the morning when I'm lactose-intolerant made my hangovers even worse the next day. Our bodies tell us when we've had enough, and though it makes you feel skinny and sober afterwards, throwing-up is disgusting. If you consume a high-protein meal before going out and don't mix your liquor, you will be far less likely to "drunk eat" or throw-up. Avoiding creepy men who try to get you drunk is also a top priority when going out, that's for sure!


Hooking-up with random people while blacked-out is just plain trashy! I don't know about you, but I don't see any fun in being too wasted to remember if I had fun or not. I don't understand what is so great about one-night-stands that causes some people to experience them so often. Its easy to be physically attracted to someone without having an emotional connection, so wouldn't you rather have fun with a friend that respects you than a random drunk at a bar? This article obviously doesn't apply to serious relationships, so please be safe and don't let partying lower your standards!

Jezebel (http://jezebel.com) never fails to make me literally LOL!
Failed Hookups And The Drunken Stages Of Grief
Sarah Hall — Sometimes you just want to find a warm body at the bottom of that $10 pitcher. And if that's the name of your game during a night out, there's a chance that at least once in your life (unless you are Wilt Chamberlain), you will find yourself in a post-midnight tailspin due to the perceived inability to find that special someone. At the bar. Silly! Nevertheless, of the many kinds of alcohol-induced meltdowns out there, this is the one that most closely adheres to the K├╝bler-Ross grief cycle.

1. Denial
Sure, you've had a few cocktails — but it's not like you are drunk or anything! In fact, you feel amazing — you are the best version of yourself.  Everything you say is hilarious, everyone in the bar wants to have sex with you, and your hair is just so incredibly shiny.  Some might say that because you are gushing to a complete stranger while continuously touching them somewhere near their elbow, you are intoxicated.  You laugh in their faces.  This isn't called "alcohol."  This is called "confidence," people. Get with it.

2. Anger
You've been throwing quite a few back tonight, and you've grown belligerent and paranoid.  EVERYTHING IS SO ANNOYING. When did this bar get packed with stupid people? Why isn't that guy coming back over here to buy you another drink? And when did this damn bathroom line get so long? What the hell are women doing in there? Are they having in-depth conversations with their vaginas about how they're so drunk? Why did your friend tell everyone about that fight you had with your boss? Is she secretly trying to sabotage you? Maybe you should just go storming out of the bathroom and tell her how you really feel.

3. Bargaining
Okay, yes, you should probably wrap things up. Just one more drink before you head home. You don't want to suddenly sober up while taking public transportation. And hey, one more drink might actually make this place fun again. Frankly, your dance moves are heating up and all they need is a little liquid fuel to propel you towards lift off.  Do you really need to leave? Sure you haven't met anyone you like. Yet.  It could still happen.  There are still men in this place who aren't leftover desperate creepers.  If you just hang out by the bar making sexy faces for another 20 minutes, the person of your dreams will probably come buy you a martini.

4. Depression
You will never get laid. You should have just stayed home. It would have been cheaper and you could have caught up on your Netflix. Work tomorrow will be a complete disaster because you will have a post-bender stroke, which will prevent you from being coherent when it matters. You can barely afford the round of shots you bought, because you're a loser who doesn't have a good job because you're a drunk.

5. Acceptance
Okay, so you didn't wind up mattress-wrestling with someone tonight, and you're probably going to vomit in a shopping bag in a stairwell at the office tomorrow, but we've all been there. At least you had fun with your friends. You successfully executed the worm on the dance floor without giving yourself a traumatic brain injury. There's a pizza place around the corner and a DVR full of unwatched reality shows waiting for you at home. And the icing on your let-it-be cake: You didn't even lose your phone.

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