TAKE CONTROL

I want to share a post with you from The Daily Buddha, a site that I visit often. Jim's words speak to me in so many ways, and I hope they will for you, too.

The Daily Buddha
Http://TheDailyBuddha.com

Who’s in control of your life? Who’s pulling your strings?

For the majority, it seems to be other people – society, colleagues, friends, or family. We learned this way of operating when we were very young, of course. We were brainwashed. We discovered that feeling important and feeling accepted was a nice experience and so we learned to do everything we could to make other people like us. We didn’t want to be singled out by the crowd for being different because this wasn’t such a nice feeling. We learned this way of being so well that, as adults, we continue – mostly through mutual peer pressure – to keep each other in check. Like sheep without any need for a sheepdog, we keep each other in line.

So consider this carefully - "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” – Oscar Wilde

First, we are afraid of disapproval. Am I dressed right? Will people laugh at my accent? Will I look stupid? Will I make a mistake? When we feel that others think badly of us, it makes us feel bad and so we try to avoid this. Second, we all want to feel important and so we crave the positive attention of others. We crave this good feeling like a drug – we are addicted to it and seek it out wherever we can. Unfortunately there are plenty of family members, spouses and others who will unknowingly support this addiction!

As with any drug, there is a price to pay. The price of the approval drug is freedom – the freedom to be ourselves. Do you want your approval or do you want to be free? You cannot have both. If you want to pull your own strings, you need to stop giving away your power – you need to genuinely stop caring what other people think about you. The truth is that it’s all an illusion anyway – you cannot control what other people think. If we try to live by the opinions of others, we will build our life on sinking sand.

So how can we take back control? If we are truly ready to give up the drug of approval and importance (which most people are not), I think there’s only one way – make a conscious decision to stop caring what other people think. This doesn’t mean that you should start to treat people badly, step on them or use them. Why would it? I have written before about guiding your life by means of a set of values – not values imposed from the outside by others, but innate values which come from within. If we are driven by these values and not by the changing opinions and value systems of others, we will live a more authentic, effective, purposeful and happy life. We will be actualized and successful.

Only one question remains – do you really want to be free?

Peace and Love, Jim

I love this! Self-acceptance and a positive attitude lead to true happiness, and that's a fact! There is no person or thing that can "make" you happy besides yourself. Depending on someone else to fulfill your needs doesn't work, because you'll find yourself lost and confused (I would know). Once you stop giving away your power and trying to please others all the time, you'll realize that if they can't accept you for who you are, they aren't worth your time. I've never fit in and was always considered "weird", which caused insecurity, anger, depression and a lack of self-acceptance.

I no longer care if others think I'm "good enough" for them, because being true to myself and embracing what makes me different has brought more positivity into my life. Sure, bad things happen, but beating ourselves up won't bring results. Its time for us to stop letting shame from our pasts and stress for the future control us, we must do our best to focus on the present and accept each moment as positive individuals.


So what if I still screw-up every now and then? Life is a continuous learning experience, and we must learn from our mistakes in order to move forward. I've spent my entire life wondering if I could ever learn to love and accept myself, and its finally happened! I refuse to let the words and actions of others bring me down now, I am enough, I am in control of my life and I am a phenomenal woman. This is why my site and brand that I'm developing is called 'HEALTH, HAPPINESS & HOTTNESS': Each one benefits the other!